The Sexy Elephant Look Part 2: The Trolls And The Self-Confidence

I was looking at my blog analytics the other night and it still surprises me that three years later, “The Sexy Elephant Look” is still one of my best performing blog articles. Maybe it’s because of the title or maybe it’s the content (for those that haven’t read it, you can read it here – it’s basically a summary of my disability). Three years later and the title of this article probably has more relevance than it did back then. So, for Disability Pride Month, let’s reflect back on this phrase I created “the sexy elephant look”.

For those that haven’t read the first version, I created this term after a family friend’s young child was learning about my ventilator and called its hose a trunk. Besides from the drunk guy at the races that was like “Dave [I can’t actually remember his name], she’s wearing a snorkel like you” (in which he was obviously referring to his friend’s CPAP mask and machine), referring to it as a trunk as to be one of my favourite metaphors. Even I would go on to refer to myself as a baby elephant when someone was carrying my ventilator, and I was following them in my wheelchair because it looked exactly like a mother elephant leading its child.

Having already termed this saying “the sexy elephant” as a joke in my family and friends, would actually go on to help me in the future. Just before Christmas in 2022 I had a Wednesday Addams reel go viral. We’re talking like 5.5 million views. Of course, with this type of viral content, there are always going to be haters. There was the obvious trolling like “you’re not doing the dance right”, which I obviously already knew, and it wasn’t my fault that this dance wasn’t disabled friend, to even death threats. However, the thing the trolls most liked to comment was elephant jokes or GIFS. Now not only was this incredibly unoriginal given that I’d already came up with the term, but it did give me great satisfaction pointing those trolls towards my blog article.

Literally did these trolls know that if they had commented that a couple of years earlier, it probably would have hit me a lot harder. One of my biggest insecurities in my late high school and early university years was how I looked wearing my VPAP. Everyone grows up wanted to look good and, in my mind, I thought it made me look more disabled and I hated it, which is an incredible amount of internal ableism looking back on it.

It’s why if you scroll back through my Instagram, you’ll find more pictures of me not wearing my ventilator. I was using it just the same amount, but I would take it off for photos. It really probably wasn’t until Covid that I started to take photos and videos wearing my mask and it wasn’t until my first Melbourne Cup carnival that I competed in Fashions on the Field wearing my ventilator. I don’t think people will ever fully understand the courage that took to say, “stuff it, I’m competing with it on” and to be honest, it was partly the freezing cold temperatures that played a part in my decision because I was like I don’t think I can do this off my ventilator.

Now don’t get me wrong, everyone has a part of themselves that they wish they could hide from the camera or change in life. However, when society is constantly throwing beauty messages at you, I think it takes a lot to accept that your disabled body is never going to look “normal”. And then to have the courage to put that on display and say “hey world, this is my disability, take it or leave it” is a whole different ball game.

Today I really don’t think anything of my ventilator in my photos. Maybe it’s because as you get older you care less about what people think. Maybe it’s because my self-confidence has grown because not only have I learnt to love my body, but I have an amazing support network that tell me how good I look all the time. Or maybe it’s because I really do feel better on my ventilator and “breathing is better”, even if that means not fitting the beauty mould.

You know what the funny thing is though? To this day I still joke about looking like a sexy elephant, especially when I’m sleeping and training new support workers to put my chin strap on at night (because if you thought I looked attractive during the day, wait until you see my night set up *sarcasm intended*). 

So, I guess the whole point of this article, especially for people with disabilities, is to know that your body is beautiful and it helps you to achieve amazing things in life!