Finding Mr Right – Relationships with a Person with a Disability
One of the most common questions I get these days is “are you moving to Melbourne”, seeing as I basically spend half of my life there anyway. I’d be lying if there weren’t days when I pictured what a life would look like in Melbourne. It feels like I’m always one “sliding doors” moment from deciding on which city I’ll end up in.
What I feel will play a massive decision in where I end up is whether I fall in love with a Perth or Melbourne guy. But what exactly does a relationship/dating with me (or just someone with a disability) look like when I find Mr Right?
I’m under no illusion that my disability makes finding Mr Right that little bit harder. We base first impressions on physical appearances, especially with the “new age” dating apps, and the first thing people see when they meet me is my wheelchair. So, there’s no doubt that my Mr Right will have to be able to see past my wheelchair and disability.
Mum always joked that I’d probably end up friends with the guy first and I guess in a sense, that’s what I want too. I want someone who is going to be my best friend and support me throughout life.
Once we get past the physical barriers, there are the functional/day-to-day ones too. So, while I need someone to see past my disability, I also need them to recognise it and be willing to assist me with it. All joking aside, a relationship with me could get quite intimate quite quickly (but not in that way for all of you who are thinking that!) depending on how comfortable I am with that person, purely due to my needs surrounding my disability.
My life is also like military precision sometimes, between organising support workers and my events, so our relationship has to be one of good communication and organised, haha like those shared calendars. However, sometimes the wheels do fall off in life bandwagon, so we’ll have to have some flexibility.
Communication isn’t just important when it comes to organisation, but life in general. I need to know your needs as much as you know mine. We’re going to face hurdles that “normal relationships” don’t, and we need to be able to talk through these and find a solution that works for both of us.
I’m also one of those people who likes to discuss nearly everything with those closest to me. My disability also brings with it some “walls” and “doubts” so Mr Right should be the kind of reassuring guy. However, not like 24/7 in a clingy way because I do have my business to run and life to live!
While there may seem to be a lot of barriers, there are a lot of positives of a relationship with me (if I do say so myself)! I’m a hopeless romantic at heart and when I fall, I fall hard (haha figuratively and literally). I like to think I’m funny, well my family does too, but I love nothing more than discussing deep topics in life. I’m also passionate about the things I love and ideally, I hope you’ll share my love of racing with me (or at least be comfortable with me going to the races most Saturdays).
So, Mr Right, when you’re ready I am, and I look forward to seeing which city you’re in and where I’ll end up!